Going through separation from a spouse is one of the top five most painful experiences in life. Divorce is more than loss of a partner. It is a separation from your dreams, fracturing finances, and limiting time with children. With so much consequence, it’s no wonder that many people are unable to recover trust in others and sometimes lose hope for their future. At best, a healthy recovery from the divorce process can take two or three years of painful rebuilding. Here are thoughts on how to rebuild:
Try not to fight:
Your spouse may be in a rage and acting very outside of normal behavior. You may find yourself acting differently than you feel is acceptable. Research shows the more you can keep negative feelings separate from each other the better you can recover. Do your best to stay away from your spouse if they are unreasonable and harsh. Then bring your negative feelings to a therapist and a trusted friend. This way you can work through your anger and pain productively and come through the divorce feeling good about yourself and your future.
Never give up:
With something so big and life changing as a divorce, it can feel overwhelming just to survive each day. It can be tempting to give up on yourself and lose hope for a positive future. Winston Churchill famously said, “Never give up!” In our times of deepest sorrow and pain, when we feel alone and forgotten, make a choice to take just one step to improve your life. If all you can do is sit with a friend or go for a walk, take that step. It may seem far away, but if you persist, you can enjoy your future.
Rebuild your life:
Your life has not ended; though, your marriage has. Raising children as a single parent can feel daunting, but it is rewarding when you find the pathway. Build secure friendships and community supports and rediscover activities that you enjoy. You lived a full life before meeting your spouse, with many interests and your own independence. With some effort and searching, you can rediscover who you were and even carry many of the good experiences from your marriage into your new stage of life.
If you want this for yourself and struggle to feel you can find your way through, then seek a therapist to help guide you to find a positive way ahead.
If you are considering divorce and want to understand more on what leads to divorce read Why Couples Divorce.